The Woes of an Investment Banker
by KookieEvans
Summary: Rod has no idea what will happen when he agrees to help Brian at his new restaurant. Add a few lies, a cunning plan and one unexpected costume, and what will happen? Nicky/Rod.


**Disclaim****er : I don't own the characters.**

**Author's Note:**** Hello Avenue Q fans!**

**This is my first EVER Avenue Q fanfiction! Feel the excitement! I hope you all like it!**

**And I think you should all know, this story wouldn't be here right now if it wasn't for Life Is A Highway66 - my wonderful beta-reader - who made me feel a lot more confident in this fic. Thanks so much! :)**

**Also, thanks to one of my best mates, whose step-brother introduced me to the wonder that is Avenue Q. One day, I WILL see it live!**

**Enjoy, and please review!**

* * *

"Please!"

"No!"

"Aww, come on Rod!"

"Why should I humiliate myself just so you can be happy?"

"Look, we'll buy you tickets to any Broadway show if you do this for us, promise."

"…Any show?"

"You pick. And they'll be good seats too! Rod, I wouldn't ask if we weren't desperate."

There was a short pause, and a weary sigh came down the phone.

"Okay…but they're won't be anyone I know attending, right Brian?"

"Right. Oh, thanks Rod, you're a real life saver buddy! I'll meet you there at six, okay?"

"Yes. Bye."

"See you then pal!"

Rod put the phone back in its cradle, pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed heavily. He began to wonder just what he had gotten himself into...

* * *

Rod hovered at the doorway to the kitchens uncertainly, his jacket hanging over one shoulder. He hadn't been here yet, and he was in awe of the furnishings and the art covering the walls.

He was stood in Brian's new restaurant, and it was a mere hour before the doors would be open for its first night. Brian had brought the place after an elderly relative had died and left him a large chunk of money, and he had spent months doing the place up and hiring staff. Tonight it would be open to friends and family, a week before it was going to be officially opened to the general public.

"Rod, am I glad you could show up!" A voice boomed from behind him, making the redhead jump with surprise. Brian clapped a hand on his shoulder and beamed widely. "When I heard our head waiter couldn't make it I thought we were doomed! If it weren't for you, tonight would be an utter failure - I'm really glad you could step in buddy."

"Hmm," Rod frowned at him, shrugging the hand off his arm. "I'm just counting on those Broadway tickets."

"And you'll get 'em, as soon as possible." The larger man assured him, checking his watch. "Look, I gotta check on the chefs, why don't you go get changed into your costume? Go upstairs, first door on the right, it'll be hanging up in the closet. Catch ya later!"

Rod bristled as the other man disappeared. The costume. The damned costume. Rod wasn't a cruel man, he would have gladly helped Brian out for nothing, if it weren't for the waiters uniforms. It was the restaurants odd little gimmick - one that was sure to make it popular with the ladies - and Rod was dreading it.

With a heartfelt sigh, the redhead started to trudge up the stairs, closer to his make-shift changing room, closer to the costume, and closer to his inevitable embarrassment.

Thank God no one he knew would see him in it…

* * *

"Laugh," Rod growled through gritted teeth. "And I will kill you."

Brian just stared in stunned amazement until his wife shook him out of it by hugging him gently from behind.

"Oh, Rodney, you look great! Very - how you say? - Sexy!" Christmas Eve smiled at him encouragingly, watching as he looked away and rubbed his bare arms self-consciously. "Everyone here now Brian. Even Trekkie made it!"

"What?" Rod looked up quickly and Brian winced. "Trekkie Monster is here?"

"Oh yeah, the whole avenue is here! Didn't you know?" The Japanese woman spoke and winked discretely at her husband.

"OH MY GOD!" The investment banker suddenly regained use of his mouth and flew into a panic-stricken state. "You…You lied to me!"

"Well, I had to! We all know you wouldn't have agreed to this if you had known everyone was coming! Ah, come on, I mean we're all friends here."

"That doesn't mean I want to make a fool out of myself in front of them!"

"They might not even recognise you. I almost didn't!"

"You're lying again!" Rod accused shrilly.

"Calm down! You know those tickets I promised you? I'll make them front row seats if you do this!"

"…O-okay…" The younger man gave in, gulping noisily.

"Thank God. It's action time. You ready?" Brian smoothed down his shirt, Christmas Eve patted her hair and Rod's heart started beating like a drum. "You'll be serving table 46."

Rod peered through the small window in the door separating the m ain restaurant and the kitchens to find the table in question. After quickly scanning the crowd he found it, and started to survey the people seated there. Four young, quite beautiful women - none of which he knew - were sat there with one man he couldn't quite see. He squinted slightly, and in one sickening second he recognised him.

"N-no, not that table…" He protested as Christmas Eve firmly pushed several menus into his hands. "N-Nicky's on that table! You can't make me-eeee!"

Suddenly he found himself being shoved through the door, and any chance he had of making a discrete entrance was ruined as the few nearest tables looked up to stare at him. He cleared his throat needlessly and began to weave his way through the room to his appointed table (who, thankfully, hadn't noticed him yet).

"Rod?" A feminine voice to his right asked, and he froze and cursed inwardly, before turning with a fake smile.

"Hi Kate Monster," He murmured softly, trying not to draw attention to himself.

"What's with the outfit?"

"Oh God…Please don't mention it, it's humiliating enough as it is…" He groaned and scratched the back of his head awkwardly.

"No! No, it's very…very nice." She said breathlessly, looking him up and down, and from his seat next to Kate, Princeton raised his eyebrows.

"Look, I've got to go, but I'll explain it all in an email tomorrow, okay?" Rod nodded goodbye to her, and continued on his dreaded journey. He took a deep breath and steeled himself before plunging into his introduction to his table.

"Hello everyone, my name's Rod, and I'm going to be your waiter this evening!" He spoke with an air of confidence and tried not to react when he saw Nicky turn and stare speechlessly out of the corner of his eye.

"Ooh, we got a fit one!" One of the women whispered to her friend a little too loudly, and Rod blushed at the unexpected compliment.

"R-Rod?" Nicky finally spluttered, and Rod turned smoothly as though he had only just noticed him.

"Ah, Nicholas, would you like a menu?" His dark-haired friend took the offered menu wordlessly and reverted to staring.

"Do you two know each other?" The woman sat to the left of Nicky questioned curiously, and the man answered without taking his eyes off of Rod, who was busying himself with handing the women the remaining menus.

"Umm…Yeah. We're roomies. Have been since college."

"Lucky you!" The woman replied and giggled, while Nicky just managed a non-committal nod.

"Rod?…What are you wearing?" He questioned after a short moment, and Rod's heart skipped a beat.

"Can't you tell?" He asked nervously, and Nicky's eyes travelled up and down his friend's body. Perched on the top of Rod's immaculate hair were black furry kitten ears, and around his neck a silk bow tie. He wore no shirt, and his dusky nipples were pebbled from the cold air. He had a very slight six-pack, and his light muscles were dusted with a trail of hair which darkened and led down to his trousers, which lay so low that his protruding hip bones showed. Rod blushed under his friend's gaze and fiddled with the fake shirt cuffs fastened around his wrists.

"You mean **this **was Brian's surprise idea?" Nicky asked. "To dress the waiters as…sex kittens?"

Rod flinched at the words and cleared his throat before addressing the table.

"Would anyone like to order a drink?" He asked weakly, quickly jotting the orders down on a notepad and hurrying away before Nicky could talk to him any more.

* * *

Brian wasn't stupid. He, along with the rest of the street, had known Rod was gay long before he had come out of the closet. But unlike everyone else, he had known there was something more to it.

Ever since his childhood, Brian knew he was different. He was able to tell when his friends were lying, and if his parents would cave in and buy him a new toy if he bugged them a little more, or if he should leave them alone. He had spotted patterns in the moves people made, the little twitches most people ignored or didn't notice. It wasn't until Brian was older that he learned what his skill was : he was a master of body language.

So it didn't take him long at all to notice that the shy, pedantic Rod was madly in love with the scruffy, lazy Nicky. Brian thought it was actually kind of sweet - the way the two sort of completed each other.

After telling his suspicions to his wife (who completely forgot all therapist-client confidentiality and spilled the beans on all of Rod's sessions with her), the two racked their brains for a way to hook the men up together. After all, Kate and Princeton were an item, while he and Christmas Eve were themselves married, so it was only fair that Rod and Nicky got a share of the romance.

And so, an elaborate plan was hatched, involving the opening of Brian's restaurant, several sexy cat costumes and an "ill head waiter" (who didn't actually exist). For a short while they had considered letting Rod in on the set-up, but decided against it, knowing that the banker would deny any attraction and refuse the plan. So instead they settled for letting things take their natural course (but with some helpful guidance, obviously).

Brian watched as Rod returned from the kitchens with several drinks balanced on a tray, and decided to stand near Nicky's table, so he could pick the right moment to strike, and hopefully neither of the men would realise what was happening.

'Poor Rod,' Brian thought to himself as a plan started to build up in his head. 'Poor, poor Rod…'

* * *

"Ladies, Gentleman," Rod returned a few moments later, having calmed himself considerably and newly determined to not let Nicky's stare turn him into a nervous wreck. "Here are your drinks…"

"Hey guys!" Brian wandered over to their table as Rod put down the glasses and bottles. "How you doing sis'?"

One of the women was quickly introduced as Brian's sister, Claire, who had brought her friends aong to see how her big brother was doing.

"Oh, and this is my neighbour Rod, he's being a great help by working here tonight," Brian said after some brief chatter, then turned to discretely mutter in Rod's ear : "Go on, have a little flirt, you'll make her day."

"It's a pleasure to meet such fine women," The redhead drawled. "Oh, and a fine gentleman of course."

He bowed slightly to Nicky, and the women tittered. Rod caught Claire's eye and winked, and his somewhat under-developed ego was flattered when she blushed prettily (no matter that she wasn't exactly his, erm, 'type').

"Your waiter sure is charming!" A blonde exclaimed. "It's just a shame we can only look but not touch…?"

"Girls! Well…I wouldn't normally say this, but Rod _is _a friend…" Brian started to answer the subtle question, and Rod heaved a premature sigh of relief. "So go ahead!"

"What?!" Rod gasped sharply, but Brian not-so-subtly stomped on his foot. "Ouch! I mean, uh, yeah, go for it!"

Emboldened by each others company and the light atmosphere, the women quickly reached out to stroke the nervous man's bare arms and chest. They giggled at their own audacity and cooed compliments.

"Hey Nicky, you look a little left out there buddy! Get stuck in, this might be your only chance!" Nicky laughed richly at Brian's words and jokingly joined in with the rest of the table.

Rod's heart stopped, his mouth went dry and his eyes widened. Nicky patted his friend's muscles and grinned up at him.

"Jeez Rod, how long have you had these? Do you work out, or what?"

"A-actually I do. I have longer lunchtimes on Fridays, so I spend it in the gym. It's only across the road from my office." He stammered back. Nicky nodded, his gaze dropping back down to Rod's toned stomach. The messy-haired man chewed his lip and frowned lightly, his hand caressing Rod's six-pack almost without realising it.

Rod's heart fluttered. This was it. The best moment of his life. The man he loved has stroking him, and with such a thoughtful look on his face! It was perfect.

"Oh my God, look at his butt!" An excited squeal shattered the moment, and the green-skinned man pulled his hand away. Rod bit his lip to hold back the protest that tried to form in his mouth. But it did nothing to stop the squeak that bubbled forth when one of the women pinched his bum without warning.

"Anatomical perfection!" Another lady chimed in, and soon they were all grabbing and squeezing. Poor Rod felt like a carcass left for hungry vultures to feed on.

"Good reviews all 'round it seems!" Brian chuckled heartily. "What's your verdict Nick?"

Rod froze and glared venomously at Brian. Nicky just smirked and reached forward in his seat to pat his friend's backside experimentally.

"Huh. Nice butt Rod!" He concluded with a chuckle. The waiter blushed an even deeper red than ever before and cleared his throat shakily.

"A-anyway, have you decided what you would like to order?" Rod squeaked out in a strangled voice, and jotted down the meal orders in record time, before scurrying away meekly.

Brian smiled secretively as he noticed Nicky watch Rod leave with curiosity burning in his expressive hazel eyes.

* * *

The night wore on, meals were eaten and more drinks were ordered. By the end of the night everyone was happy, pleasantly full and ever-so-slightly drunk. Well, almost everyone.

Rod's feet were sore, his mouth dry and his stomach growling at the sight of the delicious food he had to serve. When the women finally stood up to leave he sighed with relief and hurried over to help them out.

"Leaving so soon?" He asked smoothly, taking Claire's coat for her. "Let me help you with that."

"Thank you!" She smiled sweetly at him as he helped her into her jacket. She turned to look at him, then hesitating for a second, put a hand on Rod's forearm. "Look, you're a really nice guy…can I give you my phone number?"

Rod froze and his mouth dropped open. What was he going to say?? Looking into Claire's trustworthy eyes he decided that honesty was the best policy. He leaned in close to her, his eyes darting about the room. His lips were millimetres from her ear, and he was about to speak when he saw Nicky was staring right at him. Nicky raised an eyebrow at Rod and Claire's closeness, and Rod looked away reluctantly.

"I'm gay." He whispered, bracing himself for an explosive reaction.

"Really? Damn. All the good ones are." Claire pouted slightly and patted Rod's arm before pulling away. His eyes widened when he didn't see the look of disgust he had expected. "So…does that mean that you and Nicky are…?"

"N-no!" Rod quickly corrected her.

"Oh. I thought, with the way you were looking at each other…Never mind!" Claire shook her head and grinned. "Anyway. Thank you for the wonderful waiter service Rod. I hope we see you around sometime!"

With a few waves and goodbyes, the women were gone, and Rod slumped into one of their seats, downing a half-drunk glass of champagne, then stretching tiredly. He looked across the table to see Nicky staring down into his beer thoughtfully.

"Nicky? You almost done?" He asked, and his friend snapped out of his reverie and nodded. "I'm just going to get changed. Wait here and I'll be back in a minute."

Rod stood from the table, glancing about the almost deserted restaurant. Despite his embarrassment the night had been…quite wonderful. He smiled to himself as he climbed the stairs two at a time, thinking of Nicky's hand on his chest. He was still smiling when he entered the room he had gotten changed in earlier, but it soon faded when he didn't see his clothes anywhere.

On the dresser was a small slip of paper which he picked up and read with ever-disbelieving eyes. When he finished reading he threw the paper back down and left the room with a viscous growl. The note fluttered down to the wooden surface, the side with the writing landed facing upwards.

'_Dear Rod,_

_Sorry about this, but we've got your clothes nice and safe. Now, no arguing, you can come get them tomorrow. Trust us, you'll thank us later._

_- Brian and Christmas Eve.'_

* * *

The journey home was a quiet one. Nicky was uncharacteristically silent, but Rod assumed the beers the other man had drunk were giving him a headache in the cold fresh air.

The tube train rattled violently, and Rod noticed a stranger giving him weird looks. He glared at the person, who jumped and hurriedly looked away.

"This is bloody ridiculous," Rod grumbled to himself angrily. "Dressed as a half-naked cat on the subway. I'm going to kill Brian…"

The train couldn't arrive in their station soon enough, and Rod leapt out of the doors, dragging Nicky by the arm in his attempt to get home as soon as possible.

After several embarrassing incidents with groups of young, drunk college students, they finally got home, and Rod slammed the door behind them in a show of fierce finality.

"Thank god that's over," He sighed heavily, and did what his English mother did after a long, hard day. "Want a cup of tea?"

Nicky shook his head and moved into the living room to slump on the sofa. Rod looked after him with a worried expression, then stepped into the kitchen to put the kettle on. Nicky wasn't usually this quiet, even when he had a headache.

"Nicky?" Rod stood in the doorway to the living room, then stepped up to the sofa when his friend didn't reply. "Are you okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" The other man replied in the tight voice Rod knew he only used when he was angry.

"You just seem a little upset," The redhead tentatively put a hand on Nicky's shoulder. What's wrong?"

"What's wrong?!" Nicky suddenly exploded, standing up and shoving Rod's hand away. "I'll tell you what's wrong : I was sat on a table with four sexy women tonight and they were all over you!"

"…I'm sorry, Nicky," Rod said stiffly, trying to stay calm by reminding himself that Nicky was drunk, and he didn't mean it. "I can't help it if they were attracted to me."

"No. No it's not that I'm jealous of you, it's…it's…" Nicky ran his hands through his already messy hair in frustration.

"It's what?" Rod asked in a hushed voice. The next thing he knew, he was being pinned against the wall, one of Nicky's hands either side of him, trapping him there Rod stared with terror into Nicky's furious eyes, which were just centimetres from his own.

"It's the fact that I was all over you too!" The angry man yelled hoarsely, before dropping his voice to a husky murmur. "You came out in this-this ridiculous outfit and ruined everything!"

"H-how?" Rod whispered shakily, his heart fluttering with fear and desire.

"You made everything so confusing! All evening all I wanted to do was…was…" Nicky broke off and pushed forward to capture Rod's lips with his. Rod's eyes widened before they fluttered shut.

The kettle clicked, but both men ignored it, far too interested in each other. Nicky opened his mouth, forcing open Rod's, and his tongue plundered it mercilessly. Rod couldn't help but fight back, their tongues clashing passionately, and he moulded their bodies together when he felt Nicky's hands running over his fevered bare back.

They pulled back reluctantly, when the need for oxygen became too strong to ignore.

"Jesus Christ, Rod," Nicky gasped. "You taste like champagne a-and strawberries and-"

He ducked his head to kiss him again, but Rod stopped him by placing a trembling finger on Nicky's searching lips.

"And you taste like beer. You're drunk, Nicky," Rod's voice was deceptively calm. "You're only going to regret this in the morning."

"Where do you think you're going?" Nicky slurred slightly as Rod pushed his way free and started to walk down the hall.

"The bathroom. It's the only room with a lock on the door."

"What, don't you trust me?" Nicky sneered as the banker closed the door in his face and slid the lock across.

"No," Rod whispered, grabbing a towel to use as a make-shift pillow. "I don't trust myself."

With that, he lay down on the floor, made himself as comfortable as possible and tried to ignore the constant tears running down his face.

* * *

Nicky cracked one eye open, then hurriedly squeezed it shut again, hiding from the blinding light that was cascading from the open window. He groaned as a spring dug into his back, and he suddenly realised he wasn't in his bed. He decided to brave it and open his eyes to see where he was. To his confusion he was lying on the living room couch. Why the hell was he there?

After a few aching minutes he decided to go and find Rod and ask him exactly how much he had to drink last night. Nicky whimpered as his head protested with every step, and after what felt like an age he finally reached their bedroom. The door was already open, and when he stepped inside he found there was no one in there. He frowned and tried to remember if Rod had said anything last night that would explain why Rod wasn't in bed at seven in the morning.

He remembered…going to the restaurant and chatting with Brian's sister…Rod appearing in an odd costume…the subway home…then-then he was shouting at Rod. Why? Nicky vaguely recalled pushing Rod against a wall and …

"Oh fuck." Nicky groaned, the colour draining from his face as he slumped on the corner of his bed. He ran his quivering hands through his hair as he remembered the way he had angrily raped Rod's mouth with his tongue. No wonder Nicky couldn't find him. Rod had probably run off in fear. Crap. How would he survive without Rod? With that thought in his head, Nicky raced out of the bedroom, checking every room he came across, praying to God that his roommate hadn't left him.

His heart finally started beating again when he heard a tuneless whistling from the kitchen. Nicky stopped his frantic searching, and sighed shakily. Rod was still there! Maybe he would have a chance at salvaging there friendship after all. Before his protesting nerves could get the better of him, he shoved the kitchen door open and walked inside.

Rod was stood in front of the cooker, frying bacon. He had his back to the door, thankfully wearing his normal clothes, and as soon as he heard Nicky walk in his back straightened and he stopped whistling.

"There's an aspirin on the side for you." Rod spoke softly without turning around. Nicky spotted the small white tablet next to a full glass of water. He swallowed it quickly, downing the water in seconds. He set the glass down quietly and moved to perch on the edge of the counter. They remained silent for a few long minutes, the only sound filling the air was the soft sizzling of the bacon.

"Rod?" Nicky finally gathered the courage to speak, and he watched the other man freeze. "We need to talk."

"Yes." Rod sighed, placing a hand on either side of the cooker, as though for support.

"I'm sorry, Rod. About the…you know…"

"Kiss?" Rod's voice cracked.

"Yeah. That. I-I didn't mean to! You know what I'm like when I'm drunk." Nicky rubbed his neck awkwardly, wishing his friend wasn't so damn silent.

"I know."

"Look, Rod, please just look at me! I know it must be uncomfortable for you, but it is for me too! I'm not even gay! I like women for God's sake!"

Silence. Nicky groaned and rubbed his face.

"Rod, please. I can't handle this on my own. I don't know what's going on anymore! I mean, I'm not attracted to men, b-but last night I saw you as, well, more than just a friend. I don't know how to describe it, but it's like you're a whole new person. Now when I look at you, I can't see the old Rod. Then when I kissed you it felt like…like…"

Nicky heard Rod sniff, and he listened carefully to the other man's uneven breathing. He stood up and put his hands on Rod's shoulders.

"A-Are you crying?" He made him turn gently and saw Rod's eyes were red and wet. A tear slid cleanly down the redhead's cheek. "Oh, Rod!"

Nicky pulled the other man to his chest, wrapping his arms around him comfortingly. Rod buried his face in the other man's neck, wetting it with his tears.

"I guess this must be hard for you. I understand this could ruin our friendship, and it upsets me too buddy, but I can't just ignore my feelings-"

"No!" Rod gasped and pulled back, grabbing a handful of Nicky's t-shirt so that he couldn't run away if he wanted to. "You don't understand! That's what I've been doing all this time!"

Nicky's face echoed his confusion.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I've been hiding all of _my _feelings. I-I…"

"You what?" Nicky breathed, heart beating like crazy.

"I love you Nicholas," The younger man whispered, looking anywhere but at Nicky.

"…Really?"

"Please don't leave me!" Rod suddenly blurted out, afraid of ruining everything, of driving Nicky away.

"Rod," Nicky murmured, placing two fingers under Rod's chin so he could make the other man look at him. "I…you…"

Deciding actions spoke louder than words, he dipped his head down, inching closer agonizingly slowly. Acting on impulse, they both tilted their heads and chuckled nervously when their noses brushed lightly. Nicky closed the distance and experimentally pressed his lips to Rod's.

This kiss was even better than the one from the previous night. It was hesitant and sweet, but the underlying passion was still strong enough to make it even more dizzying. Rod's hands tentatively rested on Nicky's hips so that he could carefully pull the other man closer. Nicky had one hand on the small of Rod's back, and the other ran through his best friend's hair.

Their lips untangled but the men didn't step away - instead they rested their foreheads together and stood so close they could feel each other's shallow breaths on their faces.

"Not to ruin the moment or anything, but do you smell burning?"

"…SHIT! The bacon!"

They stumbled apart as Rod dashed over to the frying pan to try and salvage their breakfast. After a few seconds Rod turned back to Nicky, who promptly burst out laughing.

He couldn't help it. The sight of Rod, wide-eyed with flushed cheeks and kiss-bruised lips, holding up a pan of carbonized bacon was just too much.

Rod huffed and turned the oven off, throwing the burnt bacon into the bin.

"Well, I'm glad someone finds it funny." He grumbled. Nicky grinned and caught his hand, squeezing it softly.

"Beans on toast?"

"…Yes please…" Rod smiled, squeezing back.

As he sat back and watched Nicky bustle about the kitchen humming to himself and collecting the ingredients he needed, Rod realised he felt different. A good different. Like all the weight had been lifted off of his shoulders.

For the first time in his life, Rod felt truly content.


End file.
